Thursday, 24 July 2014

Yup, we're travelling with kids...

Sound familiar?

  • Before you even leave the house you play a little game of 'Suitcase Tetris'. A fun ten minutes of trying to a) make the car boot magically bigger and/or b) make the amount 'o crap you have brought reduce to a vaguely manageable dimension. Sweat and swearing almost certainly guaranteed.

  • Arrival at the airport will herald three toilet trips, all at different times ... 'but I didn't need to go a minute ago...'

  • The check-in queue will be mahoosive. But only ever when you have a small child hanging off you, three Boostapacks, five straw hats and someone needs a pee (see point 2). You negotiate half of EasyJet's orange roped queueing 'system', only to have to duck under it all again. 

  • You will pass at least one gorgeous, flawless honeymoon couple in matching TOMS, swinging their Louis Vuitton flight bags. They look at you pitifully. Ah, the ignorance of youth! 

  • Someone will fall off the escalator.

  • Despite methodical planning, several pre-flight bag checks and clothing choices to ensure maximum comfort with minimum bleepability, something will ALWAYS set off the security alarms.
    Two body-scans and a bag-check later you'll realise that someone didn't put the portable DVD player in the PISSING GREY PLASTIC TRAY. (true story)

  • At least one child will be trodden on (ensuring removal of a jelly shoe) by fellow plane inhabitants actually running to make it to the boarding gate. Folks. You have a seat. For the love of all that is good and holy, CHILL THE HELL OUT.

  • There'll be a row over the window seat.

  • You will order £30 worth of plane food, and then be told that there is a quota of one sachet of tomato sauce per bacon baguette. Not even the pleading faces of your children will break the stewardesses steely resolve. Children will not eat unsauced sandwiches. Shame on you EasyJet, shame on you.

  • Airport negotiated, children fed (in a manner of speaking. Crisps and Fruit Shoots. Needs must and, quite frankly, you're broken) and ensconced with various electronic devices, you finally breathe out.  And make the fatal error of switching on your Kindle.

    'Mummy, I reallyreallyreallyREALLY need a wee!'

    Fantastic. Just Fantastic.

    E x
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  1. Hee,hee!!! The joy of travelling with kids & airlines! The rest of the holiday will no doubt make up for all the torment xxxx

  2. Absolutely brilliant Emma, I was nodding in agreement and giggling at the same time. Having just come home from Florida and had the over 2 stone baby sleeping in my arms with no buggy in sight, the 4yr old needing sleep and hubby carrying two trunkies, his bag, my bag and an extra goodness knows what was in it bag we walked for an eternity. What sticks out most though is C wanting freedom while waiting to get through customs in Tampa airport, crying like he was being held hostage and one of the HUGE men standing up and shouting "lady come on up here", as we negotiated our way past about 20 families apologising as we went and C stops crying and giggles , high fives the security guy!!! To top it all off Ian Beale was on our flight and thought it hilarious :-) happy holidays to you x

  3. Ah, the honeymoon couple, there's always a few. I remember being one of them! Swanning around duty free before heading to the lounge bar for. G&T at 6:30am! A bit different these days, and I've only got the one!
    Hope you're relaxing now you've arrived :-) xxx

  4. I recently took my 2 girls over to London so a short 1 hour flight from Belfast... Miss E still needed to use the onboard toilet and guess who had to take her -me. What joy of joys trying to wrestle a recently toilet trained toddler in that hideous cubicle. Enjoy the flight back ;-)

  5. We have been travelling today as well, and I've just nodded my way through this entire post!! Our game of suitcase Tetris was so disastrous that another, bigger taxi had to replace the first! Oops! A very funny and TRUE post... Loved it!

  6. Good luck!! Hope the trip is worth it ;) Love the Honeymooners bit too, that used to be we're the fraught lot having an argument! x x

  7. So so so funny. Have an absolutely amazing time!!! xxx

  8. It's not just children that won't eat an under sauced bacon sandwich!!

  9. Hahaha! Brilliant :) Hope you have a fab holiday xxx

  10. Oh Emma, this post is fabulous and really made me chuckle! haha. Reminds me of when we went away back at the start of June, lol! Have a FABULOUS time {which I'm sure you will} on your jollies! xx

  11. Let me guess, this all happened to you around 24 hours ago?! I chuckled at the thought of that perfectly turned-out honeymoon couple....they have it all coming, don't you worry (that's if you haven't put them off!). Hope you have an awesome holiday. Now chill the hell out woman!! xx